Do you ever really get over your ex?

i think i am still a little in love

a letter about how i feel about you now,

Right now, I’m sitting in a cafe, writing this. Moments ago I had this sudden urge to call up my ex and rant to him about my day. A little update, he's not responded to my message which I sent yesterday. We broke up 3 years ago, yet we are still friends. We were 4 years strong, and at the end of those years, he seemed to be slipping away from me, he did not feel comfortable to communicate his feelings with me. So he decided it was best to end things on a flight, when we were on our way back from a trip. It was funny honestly. It was an intimacy issue, both of us are bad communicators, shy types.

It was difficult for me after that. But I took it in a stride. We knew it was going to end when we even started dating. We were each others first and he had decided that we can look for other people after as well. And I agreed. I also had this opinion. But again, now going through those 3 years without him, I realized how all the other men lacked. It only made me glorify my ex. He was not the best, but he was safe, made me laugh and respected me. My 3 years after him were full of situationships with dip shit men and their overgrown egos. He was nice and simple and my world seemed happier with him around. So we still spoke.

We started speaking again lately, only as friends, because I know I would not go back to him, call it my self respect. Not unless he wants us to be. I am tired of him pretending he is not in love with me. But he will never say it even though I know it when he looks at me. I do not think I deserve this man who knows what he wants but is scared to say it. So I am writing this, to remind myself of why we ended things in the first place. I realized what little I was settling for. I deserved all the little things I did for myself. We all do. We, as women, put so much effort in a relationship that we sometimes forget to tend to our own needs and passions. That did happen with my ex. I kind of mothered him, he did not ask me to but I did, out of love.

I hate to admit that I might still be in love with him. But I have realized that now I can love without expecting, because I know that is not the man I want to marry. I decided this by making a list of things I did for myself. And then I realised he could not even do half of those things out of his own nature for me. So how could I even think I could settle for him? I do love him still but now in a different way, in a mature way. I want him to find love, and it will be okay if it's not me.

So whenever I get this urge to call him, I write. It's probably the best way to remember why I should not call him. I am not giving my full side of what exactly went down and how much we mean to each other and what we have will probably always stay that way, unsaid but felt, in love but cannot tell. It is complicated and right now I cannot find those words to say, but I hope I will in the future.

Do you ever really get over your ex?

Looking for honest opinions from dear readers <3